czech boy's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in
czech boy's LiveJournal:
|Saturday, June 2nd, 2001|
First of all, I know that this thing is called LiveJournal. That means it is supposed to somehow resemble a journal. A journal is a personal thing. I do not often use my livejournal because I do not always want to share with people my personal feelings and I don't have the time nor the wish to write about 'my day at school'. I admire those of you who will completely share their moods, inner thoughts, underwear size, etc. but you won't get much out of me. I'm going to stay just as mysterious as I've always been. At least when it involves the world wide web.
So, tonight I'm making my first entry in a long time and I hope someone will read it. It's a sneak preview of my head. Imagine that you opened the door into my head and someone inside quickly shut it in your face. Or maybe a strong wind came and blew my hair to the side and you got a glimpse of the clockwork beneath the surface.
Today I woke up in the backseat of a car. I'm going to leave it at that because it sounds intrigueing to anyone who doesn't know the story. I went to Tucker's later and began to watch a movie called Requiem for a Dream. It is an excellent movie, and I only saw 39 minutes of it. Tucker's mother came home and she tends to be a harsh critic of non animated movies, if you know what I'm saying. Tucker and his mother both have colds, so they can't smell. I acted as their noses on a couple of occasions, for Juanita to smell a tin that she was trying to get a stink out of and for Tucker. "Does this smell?" he said sticking a piece of cheese in my face. "No,"- "Ok, thanks".
So I went home after lunch and got ready for the semi-formal. I took my mom down to work and returned to pack the equipment. I was encouraged to hurry by a call from Will, but a second call stopped me in my tracks. He told me that other dj's were present and we were not to provide music for this dance. I was cool with that. Gave me the night off, but what about Deanna? I wouldn't see her...no I would see her. I had to see her. I would go down to the dance and walk past all the stares and "hey dj"s and hold her. Whenever we meet we immediately get as close as gravity and laws of matter allow, occasionally unlocking to see each other's face and then retuning to where we view the world from over each other's shoulder. That is ecstacy. Seeing the world over someone's shoulder, but feeling nothing but another's body. The perfect embrace, each member watches the other's back and protects them. So we were, for the several slow dances I was there for. When the music sped up we simply stood together making up for lost time. I left before the dance was over because I wasn't sure if I might be keeping her from doing what she wanted. So I left. I went to the Homestead for a quick drink. I returned though, something was missing. I was beginning to realize that she was saying to me "I wish you could stay" and "I wish you didn't have to go" so I came back. There was 45 minutes left and all 45 of them went by in a moment. Afterwards we went to the brick hallway and said goodbye. A look both ways was followed by the long awaited kiss. That is what I was missing. I felt so much better and I still feel good. I bet you aren't feeling to good though. I'll stop now before you throw up. I just feel the need to express a little bit and typing seems to be a good way to do it.
So the day is over and the time is 11:59 bye my clock and pumpkins can't type so I better stop. Current Mood: calm
|Sunday, May 27th, 2001|
This thing is so stupid Current Mood: discontent
|Sunday, May 13th, 2001|
For some strange reason I'm really looking forward to brushing my teeth. Current Mood: calm
Another night is done, another morning's begun and the time comes for me to recap the fun. State of mind has been more relaxed than usual, now that i think about it. Nothing is mining through my head stealing my minerals. Nothing is laying tacks in my path. Nothing is pulling my teeth, clouding my skies or spilling my drinks. I'm fine, how are you?
Today I awoke, slowly, but with determination from a rather conscious night. Blurred images of eyelashes, wet fingers and black hair scrolled through my mind without pity. I had no choice but to watch and enjoy. Don't worry, I'll stop there. Those who don't know, don't care and those who do know probably don't want to hear about it.
Fact is that tonight was home to another encounter with Her. I was invited to Amanda Barton's house to hang out with Them. We watched Billy Madison and I realized that even strange Adam Sandler can set a romantic mood. Actually no, but it was still well worth it, any time spent with Her is.
If friends are wondering what I'm thinking, I'd just like to say that so far this has been an all-around good thing to happen to me so there won't be any bad side effects such as lack of interest in friends or family. I'll still eat and go to school everyday. I'll still appear to be the same person.
I wonder how the world is going to treat me now. (You can tell it's on my mind and it's my journal so I can write whatever I want) I mean the middle schoolers, I don't really care, but I'll bet they're talking. Rumors won't fall far from the tree in the high school I predict. Close friends will brew up some exaggerated tales and might realize that it's no big deal and forget it. I'll still be swimming in the middle of it all.
Hot days were given a slap in the face today in case you didn't notice. Rain gave things a change of pace that helped people that were falling into a routine personality. Smell of rain = smell of oils being secreted by the pavement = good. More rain tomorrow I hear. Hope mother like's her present, $10 Greek coffee.
Enjoy. Current Mood: thirsty
|Thursday, May 10th, 2001|
The picture I could take outside my window is amazing.
It's getting towards Friday and that means I should be studying for my AP European History test that starts at one thirty and goes to four thirty or five. But I'm not.
I'm thinking about how much I like psychology. Arguements, for example, involve a lot of psychology. One has to know what the other is thinking from their facial expressions and tone of voice. Are they just argueing for fun? Are they about to flip out (ehem)? Are you getting your point across? All of these figures must be observed and appreciated. Psychology helps. It also helps in solving problems that involve mental warfare. For example, I would be very pleased with myself if I figured out what someone else was thinking as they got pissed at me or someone else. After spending time with that person, I would have their personality memorized and I could predict their actions. I would know how to act around them so that we could get along.
Not thinking anymore..... Current Mood: anxious
|Wednesday, May 9th, 2001|
Today? What to say about today. I hate these half days because tomorrow is going to seem so fucking long. I think I'll cope. Getting ready for a AP test, well not really getting ready for it, just thinking about it. I hope the moon will come out before I go to bed. When I look at it from my bed it just takes me. I stare at it and I the darkness around me becomes a wash of black, the glow of the foggy orb, shining on its folds. As I turn in this mess of black the moon stares right back at me assuring that I'll get out alive and it gives me a discomforting wink just as I fall. I fall deeper between the satin folds of night for what seems like an eternity, the moon occasionally showing itself far, far away. Things slow down as I begin to search for an end. A breeze blows across my face, a shiver, I turn my head, straining my eyes in the darkness, and then I'm forced upward. The eternal distance I covered as I fell flashes by me in a blur and a gray light blinds me as the sun flashes between the folds of canvas and cotton. I'm thrust into a world of noise, the ringing of the sun being the loudest. From cold darkness to parasitic society, is there no median, no mean? Nowhere in between? I think I know where it can be found. Just search for what it is that you want the most, and when you find it, never let go. Never let life slow. Current Mood: content
|Tuesday, May 8th, 2001|
I woke up this morning to a horoscope on WCYY. Robin was talking about how last night was a scorpio full moon.....no wonder. I had a weird night. Robin also said that this week was a week that would have a lot of broken relationships. I later heard from Thomas that the muffin man mentioned that too, but for Libras only. Funny, well it's not very funny...coincedence is that a friend of mine has been having some doubts about his relationship with his girlfriend of one year today. It's scary how much the stars can tell you sometimes. It's possible of course that I'm just making these predications true by thinking they're right. It's the Ouiji effect. I'm sure everyone has dabbled in the proverbial waters of astrology and found some things to be true. Of course it makes sense that our everyday lives would be influenced by celestial bodies millions of light years away....right? Oh and I was supposed to wear purple today, but so much for that. Current Mood: indescribable
|Monday, May 7th, 2001|
forgot Current Mood: anxious
I have so much to write, but with one entry I could cause so much pain. So I'll keep my mouth shut. Good day. Good sunset.
|Sunday, May 6th, 2001|
For my third entry of this long Sunday,I want to give one more visualization trip. Picture a street, one with the warm smell of a bakery and streetlights watching the ground below them. A car passes in the interesection ahead, but doesn't look. You can feel the breeze on your hands, but nowhere else. Spin around quickly becaseu something may be coming up behind you. No. It was just a pigeon crossing the still air from roof to alley. The last of the lights go out in the windows and the night leaves you to fend for yourself. Alone, it begins to cool, the music ends. You're not supposed to be here. Current Mood: mellow
I just thought of something. What was it? Damn. I came on here because I had something to say. It couldn't wait. I, I, I shit. Damn.
movie quote of the day:
"I was sayin something, what was it? Oh yeah..."
-Quentin Tarantino in Reservoir Dogs
My brother Joe played with a band at a graduation party. They played until 5 in the morning. Some had tuntables and my brother rapped. Everyone was getting fucked and fucked up. I felt like shit yesterday. Today is better. I went for a long walk with my dog. I walked through the woods and up the grassy hill behind where I live. The anticipation of turning around and seeing the beautiful view was making me smile. My dog ran around me and ahead of me smiling. As I approached the mossy place in the corner of the field, beneath a big old tree, I lowered myself to the soft ground and turned, taking in the blue mountains all at once. I saw the colors far away and held down by a bright blue sky. The new leaves, yellow-green would move, stand still, and then move again, keeping the air in motion. The air that I breath is swept down my throat by these yellow-green leaves and blue skies, and my dog walks by, thinking. A sharp bird's voice throws me up, off the ground and past the big old tree into the woods. I come across a beech tree with it's silvery simple branches keeping all other life at a distance. But I dodge the buddes limbs and take ascend the trunk without thinking, just pushed up in search of new things. New discoveries, that make each day seem different. Today was a different day. I went for a walk with my dog.
|Sunday, April 29th, 2001|
I'm laying in bed like a sick child. My keyboard lays next to me like a tray of cooling food. My mouse is the cup filled with tea and I watch the screen as the letters crawl across. I'll be better tomorrow, I'll be rested tomorrow.